letters to a soldier.

week nine: 16.8.22
day fifty seven
dear caleb,
i think about you sometimes and how you would touch me, how you’d hold my body as if i were something that broke easily and wouldn’t let me slip away from your embrace or out of your sight because then you’d just might scream as if i were the toy and you were the boy and i was being taken away. your protection over me caused you to squeeze and tighten every time we became an inch or two loose.
sometimes i cringe at the remembrance of you and i but not because of anything you did but of how i rid myself of the potential threat that one day it wouldnt be you and i in the end. that we would both send off two different paths, hearts beating fast and if either one of us were to ever turn back, our bodies would collapse and we would turn to stone. but i looked to you and for once a pair of arms felt like home. spread open wide and signaled me in and always i’d abide because to me inside, you were the only one worth giving certain parts of me to.
and never had i ever imagined that one day you’d be giving them back but you did, you closed the lid to the jar of hearts i kept filling and thats the beauty of it all, because if you’re willing to believe that what goes up must always come down, then believe that something thats closed can always be reopened.
and we are a topic thats left wide opened.

2 thoughts on “letters to a soldier.”

  1. You are only young once. Don’t waste it dwelling on the past or on someone who never or no longer cares for you. It is one of if not my greatest regret wasting years of emotion and energy on someone who had already turned me away.

    Sometimes it feels good to feel sad. It’s not worth it. Live your life and take back those moments you waste every day thinking of that person who doesn’t think of you.
    All of my former prospects are married to someone else now. I might have reached one of them. A true love. But I wasted my years feeling for someone who was already gone. My energy I could have spent meeting new people, or growing closer to those I already knew was wasted.


    1. oh my friend, if only i could tell you about the love we shared. we cared in unison and it was only until the end did the truth come out. not because of the lost entity of love, but the epiphany that a misery wouldn’t cease unless we went on independently. depression got us both in completely different ways but we didnt stray until departure day and even then it was both mutual. he shipped off into the army and i stayed home, you make think this: but i am not alone. understand that this isn’t me wasting time nor energy but simply letting him know he always has a friend in me. i am not waiting for a love that may never return but i’d rather burn than to go down without the reassurance that “at least i tried.” i will not beg nor will i plead but if one day he comes across these and reads my never-sent letters, then all my writing will have been worth it. i swear to you my friend, itll be worth it. i promise, i’m not sobbing, nor weeping, or crying, but if i said i no longer loved, my friend, i’d be lying. i do not anticipate it all working out, but have we not learned that the biggest regret is not trying?
      thank you for your feedback.


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