I was never one to take my time on things. I figured that if I tried my best in the time that I had, then that would always be enough.
Well, until I realized it wasn’t nor would it ever.
In high school, I got decent grades, got involved in sports, volunteered, joined clubs; did everything I could possibly do to guarantee myself a spot in a UC school of my choice. In this case, it was UCSD. At the time, I thought I was “too good” for a community college and even spit on the name of Cal States. Looking back now, how naive of me to go on believing I knew my place in the world obviously oblivious to the potential threat of not being able to have the one thing in life I’ve desperately always wanted.
No, I didn’t get rejected to every single school I applied for, but rejected to the very few schools that really counted. UCSD and UCLA. My top two choices… and pretty much everyone else’s because come on, it’s UCLA and UCSD. Anyway, after that, I started falling behind in school. For those past four years, I did every single thing I could, for nothing. I had no further will to go on (dramatic, I know, but I truly felt like I hit rock bottom). I only had four long-term goals back then.
- Join a sport
- Get a 4.0
- Graduate in gold
- And get accepted into a UC
But once my fourth goal became unattainable, my life became a domino effect where everything around me, including myself, came crumbling down. Nothing is more stressful than waiting until senior year to achieve every goal you set out for yourself and the only one I had accomplished so far was scoring a spot on the Varsity Basketball team (And still, to this day, GO EAGLES)!
Basketball became my outlet and my only reason to get up every morning and go to school. I had never been so depressed, it was inconceivable, but for some reason, basketball lightened the load on me.
And then, with four weeks left before graduation, I decided to weigh my options. I had two goals still standing, get a 4.0 and graduate in gold (the latter being the more achievable of the two) and an opaque future ahead of me, so I chose to try and pick myself back up again because I would never know if I didn’t try.
I studied day in and day out to get my grades back up to qualify for CSF (California Scholarship Federation or in other words, my gold robe supplier). I never got that 4.0, at least, I wouldn’t until I went on to do my first semester at college, but even though 2/4 is an F, I am nowhere near a failure. I walked that stage in gold with a medallion around my neck that represented all my successes. I discovered that it isn’t about the material items that matters, it’s the amount of work you’re willing to put in to obtain them. It portrays dedication and persistence and rejection in most cases are the real motivators. My dream was to go to college, but now, as I attend at my local community college, I’ve realized that college is college no matter where you go and it’s an EXCITING experience. Also, universities are only trendy in high school. Yes, I still would still like to go to one, but I’m no longer in a rush. For now, I’m just going to live.
I will not do things just because it looks good on a resume because, well, that’s cliche. I will not follow a certain path just because it’s a safe bet because if I really want it and it’s highly selective, then so be it, right? And I will never, ever, think that I stand above anyone else, EVER again, because for starters, it’s simply not true, and after all, it’s a useless mindset and ignorant at that and I’m genuinely quite appalled that I ever felt that way in the first place.
As I write this, my purpose is to relive the memory as a reminder of how good I now have it. I am debt-free and happy. I go to school everyday, a school that I have come to love, come home to a family that I absolutely adore, and have finally made a couple new friends to live this experience with. Not to mention my job as an actress is working itself out nicely and I look forward to its progression in the coming future.
Thanks for reading and until next time,
Be seeing you. xX