Conflicted, lost, but trying.

Sometimes I don’t understand why I always try to do things the right way.
Especially when they don’t feel right to me.
But I like to think it’s because I want to make other people happy.
To me, the right way is their way.
Never my way.
Because my right is wrong.
And my wrong is wrong.
But don’t get me wrong.
I’m trying.
I try to be respectful.
I try to be good.
But most nights I don’t feel like I’m learning.
Just breathing.
But holding in the air that bears my wants and needs.
The air that’s filled with my desperation to learn.
From mistakes I’ve never been given the chance to make.
Conflicted by the thought of never knowing.
Knowing what?
The consequences of overstepping boundaries.
Boundaries I’ve never crossed because I’ve never tried.
I’ve never looked for them.
So I don’t know where my boundaries lie.
I don’t know if I have any.
I’ve never laid down caution tape because I’ve never been curious.
I’ve never wanted to walk into places I’ve never been.
Talk to people I’ve never met.
Or just be myself.
Because the truth is I don’t know how to be.
Because my right is wrong.
And my wrong is wrong.
But I want to be wrong.
For the purpose of learning.
For the purpose of living.
Because I’m lost.
But I’m trying.
So let me try.



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